I am tired.
I am true of heart!
And also:
You are tired.
You are true of heart!
Yesterday I turned 20. I didn't feel terribly different at all. Then I talked to my father and he made me realize that the first 5 months were the worst I've ever endured in my life. I had to grow up and act like an adult more in those 5 months than in my then 19 years of existence. But I suppose that should be expected after a party when I plunged 2 floors to a rocky floor and somehow didn't break my neck. So I made it! I made it to 20! And from about... February to this very day, I've been the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I've not only been happy, but I've been myself. I'm not the evil cynical back stabbing person I felt like with my old friends. I am not heartless. I am full of heart. I love my friends. My friends who I do not have to spend every second of my day with or automatically assume they are up to no good. My friends who I am only friends with by default of other friends that are friends with them because they are holding some horrifying secret about them. I'm not a flake. I have a tendency to be a bit spacey sometimes, but I mean well. My close friends know this.
Most of all I am very fortunate. To work where I do with the people I do. To have the boyfriend I do, who supports me so much and allows me to be strange and have the awkward quirks that I have. To have my friends that make me laugh so hard all of the time. Who are the most strange and beautiful people I've ever met in my entire life. To have the family that stands by me through the worst times.
This year I think I will work on not holding grudges. Thats something I'm fairly terrible at. If you've wronged me in the past, at this point in time I can assure you I still somewhere inside of me am still angry about it, it's just how I am. I dwell. I am unforgiving. I am working on it..
